The Fear of Running While Fat

Today made a post to my MYFITNESSPAL blog and I can not believe the response I received.  It overwhelmingly made my day. I’m reposting it here.

I’ve been struggling emotionally lately trying to express what trying to lose over 100lbs feels like and I think that sharing my journey with words may be exactly what I need, and hopefully inspire others.

So welcome! Read on for my first steps.

So I’ve read all I can about running.  I woke up this morning and it was drizzling, for a split second I thought about going back to bed but I had spent half of my night reading blogs about being a plus side runner and looking for information on how to overcome my fear. I got dressed.  Black tee, Black leggings–because god forbid I run in a pair of shorts, and then a hoodie.

I stretched, put on my Pandora workout station and started in for my first six minutes of walking and when the time came I…….kept walking. I wanted to lift my legs and become a “penguin” ( a penguin is the name for slow runners). This went on for 25 minutes, I was really enjoying the walk itself, the music was perfect, but cars kept driving by or people were on the street and I just couldn’t bring myself to do it.

But then I saw a mom and daughter walking to the bus stop. The girl looked like she was maybe a high school teen, and she was pretty large, dare I even say my size?? And I could tell that the short walk she was taking was really difficult for her. For some reason that was all I needed.

That was the moment, I knew right then and there it didn’t matter what anybody thought the reason I was doing this is because I don’t want to struggle to breath when I walk to the bus stop, because darn’t  I have the strength to run, so I should run! Because I need to do SOMETHING to control my emotions and find a release.  I NEED TO RUN!So I cut through an alley, walked it halfway and then ran the rest.

I couldn’t believe it!  I had just ran, and then I ran a little more, and then my fear of all fears happened. A car literally stopped in the middle of the street and watched me. I stopped in my tracks, but engaged full power walk status. I was a little mortified but I’m happy it happened because I lived through it AND  I didn’t die. I did a rest walk and tried again, and I’ll  keep doing it tommorow!!

I cannot explain the range of emotions that I had this morning, and though I probably only ran for a total of maybe 2 minutes. I ran, and I ran outside and in front of people darnit and I feel great!