Who’s the Big Girl ?

Hi, I’m Joelle. My weight loss struggle has been one I’ve had my entire life. But this particular journey has been developing over the last two to three years, with me trying all types of exercising and dieting. I’ll periodically share some of the post from my running blog.

My blogging of my WLS journey started about 1 1/2 ago with the post that I’m going to share below. The day I posted it, I received over 100 replies via MyFitnessPal.  I’m having this surgery, so that I don’t have to feel like that girl ever again. So that I can be on the outside the healthy athletic, spirited woman I am on the inside.

Thanks for reading and remember: ” You’ve got to wake up every morning with a smile on your face and show the world, all the love in your heart. Then people gonna treat your better, you’re gonna find yes you will that you’re beautiful as you feel.” -Carole King, Beautiful

The Fear Of Running While Fat

So I’ve read all I can about running.  I woke up this morning and it was drizzling, for a split second I thought about going back to bed but I had spent half of my night reading blogs about being a plus side runner and looking for information on how to overcome my fear. I got dressed.  Black tee, Black leggings–because god forbid I run in a pair of shorts, and then a hoodie.

I stretched, put on my Pandora workout station and started in for my first six minutes of walking and when the time came I…….kept walking. I wanted to lift my legs and become a “penguin” ( a penguin is the name for slow runners). This went on for 25 minutes, I was really enjoying the walk itself, the music was perfect, but cars kept driving by or people were on the street and I just couldn’t bring myself to do it.

But then I saw a mom and daughter walking to the bus stop. The girl looked like she was maybe a high school teen, and she was pretty large, dare I even say my size?? And I could tell that the short walk she was taking was really difficult for her. For some reason that was all I needed.

That was the moment, I knew right then and there it didn’t matter what anybody thought the reason I was doing this is because I don’t want to struggle to breath when I walk to the bus stop, because darn’t  I have the strength to run, so I should run! Because I need to do SOMETHING to control my emotions and find a release.  I NEED TO RUN!So I cut through an alley, walked it halfway and then ran the rest.

I couldn’t believe it!  I had just ran, and then I ran a little more, and then my fear of all fears happened. A car literally stopped in the middle of the street and watched me. I stopped in my tracks, but engaged full power walk status. I was a little mortified but I’m happy it happened because I lived through it AND  I didn’t die. I did a rest walk and tried again, and I’ll  keep doing it tommorow!!

I cannot explain the range of emotions that I had this morning, and though I probably only ran for a total of maybe 2 minutes. I ran, and I ran outside and in front of people darnit and I feel great!